I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
