I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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