you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
