So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
