the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
