You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
