Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
