I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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