Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
