I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
