I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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