Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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