You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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