i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My balls are so social today.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
