Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
