I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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