I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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