At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
