Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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