I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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