hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
