i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
