I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize