NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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