Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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