Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
