Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
