Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
