We won't sleep together?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize