____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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