Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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