Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
