Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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