So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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