we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize