You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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