Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
