Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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