'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
