there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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