We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
