Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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