They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
