I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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