he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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