I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
