I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
