Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
