i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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