Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
