How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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