32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
