Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
