I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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