it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Sober January is a disaster.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
