at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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