I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
