I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize