When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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