I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
