I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize