I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
