I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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