I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
