So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
