Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
