That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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