There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
