i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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