You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
