he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
