her vagine was all disorganized.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
