also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he shaved USA in his pubs
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
