Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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