I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
