You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
