dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
organizing the empties. That sober.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
