Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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