cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
