Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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