mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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