You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
