"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
