like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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