So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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