Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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